The way, the truth and the life

Last night was incredible. A hundred voices of praise hurdling towards the ceiling and bouncing into all sorts of directions. I believe, words of worship don't have to be loud to be heard, you don't need to raise your arms and pace around the room stamping your feet. However, a love for God, which soon become a hunger for God, would soon grow more and more.

The group leaders kept pushing for the climax, they throughly believed that something had to happen, and so they kept pushing, for what seemed like an hour. However, this hour went incredibly fast. Especially after I was asked by one of the leaders to approach him.

I was expecting a question like 'what's wrong?', so they could understand why I wasn't praising and worshiping as much as I should be (compared to the others). Instead I received "God wants to move in you tonight, please, let me pray for you."
My mood that night had been completely killed prior to when I went to the bible study. I wasn't in the mood to praise or worship, I would be content with knowledge of God's word. The bible is a book that perhaps I should read more often, but I always find ways to distract myself. So I had the mindset to go to the bible study and just learn from the bible since I couldn't do much else there.

But plans had changed. The intensity of the room changed, my thoughts of homework and assessments changed, the mood changed. That feeling. The third time. Slowly my energy was depleting again, making my knees knack and my head throb. My body had vulgar-like reflexes which occurred when my stomach twisted itself. I felt every ounce of blood push out of my heart and through my arteries, the feeling of it became so precise that my fingers began to tingle at their ends. This was all physical. Mentally and spiritually was in an entirely different boat. I felt so safe again, the worries of the world completely died, again. The rush of adrenaline made me feel like I was actually doing something that felt so right.

"Lord!" I speak.
After so long. My tongue was loose and it had spoken. Was I really hungry for God? What made the change? Hands were pressed all over my quivering body. Words, some in English, others in tongue, were filling the room. My voice had started low, then started to grow. These people around me. They didn't know who I had been, what I had done. All that concerned them was that God had intentions to 'move' me. God is love. Love is movement. And here I am. What am I?

My voice grew even louder. As far as I was concerned, it was me and God, and the room was empty. My eye's lulled me to believe that I had left my body behind and gone somewhere that seemed like a supreme sanctuary. "Get rid of the three demons! Please!" My inner-self screamed.
There was no sound, it was those words that erupted into my mind. I opened my eyes. I froze. People still praying. What just happened? Sanctuary was gone. I didn't understand exactly, I just hoped that my prayer was heard. Take the three demons away from her. That's all.

Then people stopped praying and spoke to me in person. People said how amazing I am, how amazing God is. How my intentions are so good and so hopeful and that I would achieve my high set goals. They all expected a reply from me. I was speechless. I was grateful, but I also felt spoon-fed. Perhaps it was an obligation and they honestly felt that God needed me to know, or maybe they said it to make me feel good. I hope it was the first of the two. I doubt that they wouldn't take God seriously anyway regardless.

A great disadvantage to my way of thinking is that I need to look at everything so throughly until I find as much as I'd like. God has no limits, it will take a lifetime to understand the basics of such an entity, maybe that's why I'm so compelled to push further. To seek truth in the world and in Christ. That's all I really want and every time I say that I think of that the verse in the bible clouds my mind and I'm reminded of what Jesus had said "I am the way, the truth and the life."

I am convinced that he is real, therefore I trust his words, for they are real too. There is a lot to swallow...but I'm still hungry. So, so hungry. Feed me the truth, the knowledge, Your presence.

Postscript: We didn't even have time left to study. But I learned so much more that I ever thought I would that night.