I tried to escape it. I lost. I'm glad I lost. My routine changed...and now it has changed back. All these ups and downs are manic. I never thought I'd be glad to face the same thing over and over. Then again, it's a little sad. Sad that all I can handle is what I'm used to. It makes me want to change it all again.
As for today: school, homework, music, chat, food, TV, read a little and then sleep.
Tomorrow I'm back at youth group, should be good, I miss that place. The energy in that place is so strong you can feel your hand brush against it. But it's a good feeling. It scares me how I was close to giving it all up, but that idea had prevailed as of last night. The bible study was something I needed. Something to help open my eyes. 'Inner demons make demands' sometimes and try persuade me that maybe this isn't the place I'm meant to be. But lately the voices have halted and everything is running smoothly, but for how long this time? I shouldn't worry about it anyway. If I look for trouble, I'll surely get trouble. That's what happened last time.
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