Tear off your skin

I finally let it all out. All of it. I said everything I felt, everything I did and didn't want to say was said. I feel great. It's as if I tore open a giant cavity between my chest and let every dark secret out. It was worth it. This is the result of keeping things in. It's one thing to be nice and its another to say the truth. Don't hold it in next time.

Only listen if you actually hear what I'm trying to say!!

Why can't you read between the lines! Why does a love hurt? Why am I the only one being hurt, the only one giving. Relationships take two people...and I'm carrying the burden of both. I hate it. I hate this whole thing, the worst part about it is that I love you so much. I keep dropping these hints that you will never pick up, and you will NEVER know how much frustration you have caused me to have. Why do I have to step out of my comfort-zone each and every time!? I feel so damn vulnerable and all I see is you sitting there safely refusing to come out. One simple decision to bring you into my life and it has caused me months of confusion. Step out, PLEASE, for me. Do something, ANYTHING for me. You haven't the faintest idea what I'd do for you...and knowing that hurts me so much inside. Why can't you see that my heart is at my hands. My fragility is deceptive but it's existent. The definition of a crush means that it's going to hurt. I read that on the side of building and I agreed. I still agree. Crush is the most perfect word to use in a situation like this. Is attraction forever? I don't think love and attraction entwine...but they co-exist with each other. I can't tell if this is attraction or love. But I know that you mean something to me. I know that it will hurt to see July next year. But I want to be there, and I want to chase a dream. "Dreams are called dreams...because they don't come true." Is that true? What about visions? Hopes? Fears and choices? I chose this path...for you. I was scared but hopeful. Take my hand. At least have the courage to say how you really feel, say what you really want. Don't misguide me! Is there a connection between me and you? Is there progression? Is there truth? Is there an outcome? Is this a game we play? Is there at all another way to do this? How else am I meant to cope? It's so hard for me, personally, to make the first move...but I did it for you! I made a move for you! And all my honesty did was cause me confusion. I'll admit this is an unusual relationship. I'm so scared, and so are you. But at least try. I want to be with you. I don't know why, I don't care how it works. I'm living in this moment and I want this moment with you. My friend said memories will be manipulated if you hold onto them long enough, but what we feel in our hearts is completely real. The feeling cannot be changed. I feel you. I swear there is a feeling that you give me that can't compare to anybody else. Is this bad timing? Maybe that was my fault. Blame the situation we're in. I was wrong. Blame it on commitments and the excuses we both made, they only separated us. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing will EVER last. But thats the beauty in it. We can appreciate what we have if we know it will one day escape us. Be spontaneous. Be different. Face risks and uncertainty. Oh, how I want to spend this sleepless night with you. Try to understand how I feel. Try. Say how you feel. What rests on your heart right now? There is more to living than just being alive. There's more than just breathing and repeating the same damn actions. There is a reason for a love. There is a lesson to be learned. A tragedy to be faced. There is history to both of us and a future involving us. There is a reason.

You just won't leave me alone

It was better when I knew nothing. But now that I know something, it's always hard to ignore.

Looking back/forward

I think I was looking so forward to the end of school that I didn't actually realize that someone else had to start. And now I'm back to being nervous, back to being isolated but it's no longer me and a schoolyard, it's me and the world. Next year I have a whole world to face. I'm actually scared. This is the transition where we lose our childish ties and attach ourselves to more mature and aged bonds. But I don't want to sever these ties. I want to have youthful enthusiasm through all my days.

The other day I realized, I'll always be a sinner before I'm a Christian. I'll make the mistake before I learn the lesson. But don't get me wrong, life's more complicated than that. It's much more complicated.

Tell an addict to stop taking heroin and if they immediately obey, I'll reconsider what I've said.