This one's for you (You know who you are).

I've been thinking if I should reply via e-mail or through post. I chose post. Mostly because I would like to keep this post because I can see it is going to be significant to me and one day I would like to read it back, another reason would be that I've been so true on this particular site, so if I threw the problems on here, I might as well throw out the resolve.

Thank you so much for the e-mail, how could I possibly be angry at someone who cares about what I have to say? I'm so unbelievably grateful that we've crossed paths in our God-sent lives and that we've gotten along as great as we have. I thoroughly read your e-mail and do not feel in any way that you are shoving anything down my throat. If there is anything you would like to share then by all means, please share it. I like hearing other peoples thoughts, people don't tell me enough what they think. If you disagree, then disagree, if you agree, then agree. My writings are not persuasive in anyway, they are a point of view, each and every time. So opinions are always welcome and valid here.

So now for clarity. We all have lows and at extreme lows we tend to relentlessly blame people...or God. Which is what I did. I wrote in a poem 'in finding You I lost myself', that meant that I honestly had no knowledge of God and while throwing so much trust into this entity, this Christian-based adventure made my life a complete blur. The black-and-white view of it was that Christianity was a lifestyle that I struggled to uphold and though I could only dream of doing it right, it went from bad to worse.

God has always been there, don't get me wrong, he's been amazing. But sometimes I knew that I couldn't trust myself with something as big as God. This complete change in life was and still remains very daunting to me. Am I really going to commit my whole life to God? Time tells a lot of things, this is one of them.

One thing I learned out of all of this, God allows us to make mistakes, so we can learn. I've made 100 mistakes and learned 100 lessons. So really, I can't regret a thing. Not the crying, the cutting, the reclusion, the fights. Nothing. All but one thing remains resolved...and that one thing is going to take a while...but things have ways of working out. This tragedy was a blessing and a groundbreaking revelation.

"Let go and let God."

This also helped me a lot. A reminder on my msn name so that I would never forget.

Thank you so much for you e-mail, I hope I cleared some of the things (I know I left a lot out), any questions please ask me!

Regards from the constant screw-up who wouldn't want it any other way,
Chris.